The Healing Power of Tears: A Gateway to Emotional Intelligence
Recently, while meeting with a client, we encountered a deeply touching moment. This experience moved me to tears, prompting my client to question why I was crying and confiding that they wished they could cry but couldn't. This interaction perfectly encapsulates the complex nature of emotional intelligence and the transformative power of tears. In our personal and professional environments, we see far too many instances of people holding back tears. We’re going to ask you to challenge those knee jerk reactions for very good reason…
Crying is not just a physical response to emotions but a crucial aspect of processing and understanding our feelings. It's a natural part of our emotional toolkit that can lead to significant mental and emotional benefits. However, the ability to cry and the relief it brings can vary greatly amongst individuals.
Why We Should Embrace Tears
Psychologists Jonathan Rottenberg, Lauren M. Bylsma, and Ad J.J.M. Vingerhoets have studied the intricacies of crying and its impact on our emotional well-being. Their research, analyzing over 3,000 crying experiences, revealed that most people feel better after crying. Yet, they also found that the context of crying—where, when, and with whom it occurs—significantly influences its emotional benefits. Particularly, individuals who received social support during their crying episodes were more likely to experience mood improvements.
But why does crying have this positive effect? Emotional tears are unique to humans and contain stress hormones and other toxins that are released as a person sheds a tear, helping to cleanse the body of these substances. Engaging the parasympathetic nervous system, crying promotes relaxation and recovery, akin to hitting a psychological reset button. There truly are compelling scientific reasons to back the notion of “sit down and have yourself a good cry”.
Understanding Challenges
Nevertheless, some people, like my client, find it difficult to cry. This can be due to various reasons, from psychological barriers to a lack of understanding or connection with their emotions, a condition known as alexithymia. For those who struggle to cry, exploring the underlying reasons and seeking support can be a crucial step toward emotional healing.
The Gift of Shared Vulnerability
Let us also share there is a gift in the act of crying in reaction to another's vulnerability. Your willingness to participate in a "moment" with someone in a demonstrative way gives validation to another's mental state while also showing they are not alone.
Building Emotional Intelligence Through Tears
Embracing the act of crying can be a powerful tool for enhancing emotional intelligence and fostering mental health. We would encourage you to seek out environments or relationships where you feel safe to express emotions fully. The next time you feel overwhelmed by emotions, remember that shedding tears is not a sign of weakness, but a cathartic release that can lead to emotional clarity, strength, and relationship building in an unmatched way.
Practical Steps for Fostering Emotional Openness
Create safe spaces: Consider starting conversations about emotional well-being at work or within your social circles. Normalizing open communication about emotions, even with your direct manager, can make crying a less taboo response.
Seek support: Therapy can be a valuable resource for those struggling with alexithymia or difficulty expressing emotions. Trusted friends, family members, or a Life/Personal Coach can also offer a safe space for emotional vulnerability.
By following these tips, we can ALL cultivate a more emotionally intelligent and supportive environment, allowing ourselves and others to experience the healing power of tears.
